Well, it’s official. I am a failure as a mother.
Apparently, I have this nasty habit of trusting people. I look back on my life and realize that may not be the wisest thing to do, yet I continue to do it over and over again……and I continue to get disappointed.
This morning while getting my son ready for school, he tells me he didn’t finish his homework. Now, that can’t be right. He told me he finished his homework Monday night. He also reiterated to me last night that his homework was complete and I even checked it!!!
This morning, he pulls out a math test that he made a whopping 50%. (he must be Houdini, because where he “pulled out” this math test is nothing short of magic, since I just checked his folder less than 10 hours before.)
Oh wait, it get’s better…….
Mom, I need to finish this math homework!! (he tells me 10 minutes before we leave for school)
Rushing around trying to finish math homework while he eats his cereal, I am spraying his head with a water bottle trying to tame the wild hair sticking up from his sleeping soundly with apparently no guilt at all for lying to me about having ALL of his homework finished.
We finally get in the car to head to school, and the lecture starts as I call his father and we both harshly tell him the consequences of not doing well in school and lying to his parents. Hang up from Dad as we pull into the school drop off…….
Mom, this is all your fault!!!!!!
Pardon me? What is all my fault?
You knew that I had to redo my math test so I could get a better grade!!!!!
I am Fuming by this point, certain that steam was coming out of my ears as I screamed a nasty little profanity that obviously shocked my son as he broke down and started bawling that I am the worst mom in the world!!!!
YOU HAD TO REDO YOUR MATH TEST?!? AND HOW IS THIS MY FAULT? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS!!!!!
I squealed out of the school parking lot and headed back home to get the failed math test that he saw me take out of his folder and place on the kitchen counter this morning as he was devouring his second bowl of Corn Flakes!
I barrel into the parking lot like a NASCAR driver, put the car in park and told him to go get a pencil and his test and bring it to the car. What felt like “5 hours later” (the famous timeline on SpongeBob) he made his way to the car.
Now let me pause for a brief minute and explain to you that 4th grade math is absolutely the most ridiculous waste of precious time in the history of the world!!!!
You have to add 500 ten thousands to 70 hundreds to 782 ones and then round them off to the nearest 10s and estimate the missing numerals after writing it in expanded form……..And if you get the first answer incorrect, then the whole darn test is a complete fail!!!
So, correct me if I am wrong. I have a possible solution to kids NOT failing tests. Check the first answer, teachers. Then let the kids finish taking the test. That way they wont miss the next 12 questions and fail the test.
Now, back to the story of my son…The Drama Queen.
We started arguing immediately because I knew I had the FIRST answer right and he said I was totally wrong. After 5 minutes of yelling back and forth over who was right, I called his father again. (basically so he could tell his Father goodbye for the last time because I was getting ready to murder him)
His dad and I both did the math problem together and I WAS RIGHT!! It took every thing in me not to jump out of the car and do some embarrassing happy dance that would have included the “Roger Rabbit” and “The Sprinkler” followed with a “split and spirit fingers” for my grand finale. But it was all cut short when my son proclaimed to his father that I said the “F word” to him. Imaginary Happy Dance over…Insert Violin music…as my son tries to have a pity party for himself at my expense.
I do not condone using profanity at your children. I had already forgotten that I lost my mind and even used the dreaded “F Bomb”. (and I am truly sorry and embarrassed that it came out of my mouth!)
By this time, He has decided he is not going to even finish the work, His dad is telling him (over the phone as I sit in the Medical school parking lot) to finish his work. I am in tears at this point.
We are all in tears at this point!!!
Homework finally complete…I guess, unless he had other work he magically forgot to finish!!
Off to school…LATE. He tells me he is not going to school because he was crying and his friends will laugh at him. Well, I am the one taking you to school in yoga pants, hair in a messy bun, no makuep or BRA!!!!!
Finally get him out of the car, sign him in…turn around to give him a hug and kiss goodbye….he’s gone!!! Houdini strikes again!
Another morning in the life of a single mom who is quite sure she is screwing everything up.
Now off to finish a deadline at work, homeschool the other Hoodlum, write a Bible lesson for class tonight, and do laundry!!!
Bible lesson entitled….even Mom’s need to ask God to forgive them!!!
Ohhhh…. there will be some apologizing tonight and some extra hugs and kisses. That is, after homework is complete!!!