Tired of the Rain?

” Seems just like yesterday it rained (or snowed) , it looks like it might rain again today , boy I wish the sun would shine and dry up this rain” Have you ever felt like that, you are just tired of the rain?

If your like me, when it is summer you want it to be cold, when it is winter you want it to be hot. One moment you are tired of rain the next your ready to go swimming just to get wet. Many of us are just never satisfied. I’m guilty of that daily.

In life, there are many storms. Some involve rain, others because of the lack of rain. Sometimes I cause myself problems other times problems just seem to find me. Whatever the case may be everyone  has “problems”.

I’m reminded of a story where Jesus sent his disciples to cross the water. while he stayed on the shore . While they were rowing, a storm came upon them. Of course they panicked like all of us.  Jesus, who was still on the shore, saw them struggling. (Mark 6:48)  They were terrified but Johns (6:20) account says Jesus called to them and said, “Don’t worry. I’m here!” What they didn’t know was Jesus sent them in the storm on purpose, I believe He wanted to teach them and us that not only will we go through storms, sometimes He sends us directly into them just so we will trust him.

As a Mom I’m reminded of how my children act when they are scared. I can imagine my kids grabbing my hand and holding on tightly, it makes me feel good that they trust me and know I will always protect them and never leave them.

God never worries, He is not afraid of the storm, nothing is too big for Him , but He does want us to trust Him. He said he would never leave us. He said he would be with us even until the end. He promised that when we leave this world we would be in his presence. Paul said it like this, ” If God be for us, WHO can be against us?” These are some of His promises and everyday He’s asking us to stand on them.
Jesus is alive, so hold tight, Hold on to the promises of God.

Confessions from my Cubicle

I try to stay away from “sad” posts.   I want to be known as the single mom who has her stuff together.     Today, may not be one of those posts.

A friend of mine asked me recently to write about my dating experiences as a single mom in her (now) 40’s.    We had dinner one day and I can’t remember ever laughing so hard at myself before.   The tears of laughter that was shed that day prompted me to write this.   Keep an open mind while reading this and don’t be afraid to laugh at my expense.

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So as I sit at my desk and polish off a box of Crunch and Munch, a container of raspberries, 4 cherry tomatoes, beef jerky and un-sweet tea, I am evaluating my life and exactly how I have gotten here…..Not here, as in “on this earth”  but here, as in this cozy little Cubicle.

I have recently come to the realization that I am ready to date.   I just threw up in my mouth a little…could be from the excessive amount of food I have eaten in the past 2 hours…but nevertheless, the thought of being in an actual relationship gives me mixed emotions of excitement, nervousness and indigestion.

I have dated in the past three years, unsuccessfully.

There was the Doctor who  brought me a bottle of his very own wine and proposed to me on the FIRST date.     He ended up talking to me like a baby…I am not kidding…he literally used a baby voice and said things like I WUV YOU and he sent me pictures of flowers and wrote me poetry.   He lasted a week.

Then there was the guy who had to move in with his parents a month after we started talking because he lost his job due to him getting drunk at the office Christmas party.   Once he finally got his life together, he left me for a women he met in his apartment complex.

A friend fixed me up on a blind date.    I met him at his house and our plans were to go out to dinner.     I pulled in his driveway and he met me at the door with his 3 year old son.   (He forgot to tell me that he was bringing him along.)  No worries!!   I adore kids.      But wait, he also forgot to tell me that we were going to his son’s Karate demonstration at the preschool where his parents and ex wife were also going to be there.      It gets better, he then asks me if his parents can go to dinner with us….that way they will pay for dinner!!!     His parents declined. Before I bolted out the door, he made one last request….”Would you like to lay in bed with me and my son and watch TV until he falls asleep?”      Um No, Goodbye.       I never saw him again.

The man I recently dated slept all the time and barely spoke.

There have been a few first dates that never turned into second dates.

There is even one that I would consider “the one that got away”.

Through it all, I learned a little more about myself.   What I want and don’t want.  What I am missing and what I don’t want to ever experience again.  Dating in your late 30’s and now 40’s isn’t as easy as you would think.    I could have married the first man I spoke about, who knows it may have been a nice life.    I could have gotten discouraged when my dates became disasters.    I could easily dwell on the one that got away.

I was messaging back and forth with my best friend today and I told him my fears about being alone.  It was prompted by another friends Mother who recently passed away…she had been a divorced single mom for as long as I can remember and as I was thinking about her this morning the thought crossed my mind that she must have felt so alone as she was exiting this earth.  I have to admit, it made me very sad.     As one of my biggest fears is being buried alone when I die.

It took me almost three years to finally get over the shock of my husband leaving me for another woman and his confession to five affairs while we were married.    The one question I ask myself is “why did he marry me”?  there was no obligation, there was no pressure.   One day he just got on his knee and promised to love me forever.    Forever lasted almost a year before he had his first affair, 13 years later he tells me that he doesn’t love me anymore.  Just like that, it was all over.

It has taken me three years to say this…

I don’t know what real love feels like.   The kind of loves that makes you feel safe, cared for, comfortable and not afraid.     The kind of love that you know that you are the “only one”.   That you don’t have to fight or defend yourself.  You don’t have to prove your worth.   The kind of love that makes you walk with confidence instead of cowering in a corner for fear you are going to be hit or made fun of. 

 Ladies, there is nothing dramatic about an abusive relationship!!  I don’t think he realizes what he did to me that day and the weeks after that.   He stole my self esteem.  He made me feel like I was unworthy….now I know who is unworthy.

So, thank you men that I have dated…thank you for the proposals, the wine, the dinners, and even a few good laughs.    You have given me the confidence to face my fears and start dating again.   Although, unsuccessful to say the least, I haven’t quite given up on finding “Prince Charming”!

**A letter to the man that may be actively searching for ME!**

Dear Mr. Charming:

Dating has been quite a learning experience for me.  Marriage EVEN MORE!    But it is time to get serious as my last birthday was a reminder that I am not getting any younger!

I am going to make things easy for you as I have officially made a list of things you must have or be to qualify for a chance at my heart.

  • You must love Jesus
  • You must love children
  • You must love to laugh
  • Don’t be boring!!
  • Taking long drives is a necessity
  • I want you to love sunrises and sunsets to the point of being unbelievably dramatic when seeing one!!
  • Love me when I am having a bad day
  • Love me when I am having a good day
  • Just love me everyday will be sufficient
  • Compliment me
  • Hug me….you know the kind of hug when my face is buried in your chest and I can’t breath, yet I don’t want to leave your arms for fear I may never feel that way again.
  • Make me smile
  • Make me laugh
  • Play with my hair
  • Kiss my forehead
  • Talk to me!!
  • Must have ridiculously amazing parents!!!!

Now Mr. Charming, in return I shall promise to:

  • First and foremost, Love Jesus!!
  • Love my kids (and yours if you have some)
  • ……the rest, let’s just see what happens

**FYI…the above lists are meant for kicks and giggle except the “Must love Jesus!!”**

There you go. A rare glimpse into my life….the single (not mom) life.

There you go Lori, I wrote it!!   Now everyone laugh and cry if you must.   But remember, there are far more better days ahead than what I am leaving behind!!

sldf

What is he learning?

Morning conversation:

Adam:  Mom, can I show you what I learned in school yesterday?

Me:  Sure Son. 

Adam:  Do you have a deck of cards, rubber gloves and a banana?

Me:  ……………

The Toothache and the Itchy Butt

timeoutThere have been times in my life when I really just need to take a time-out.   Literally, go to my bedroom and hide from my family.  

Last week, there was no hiding!    Oh the conversations at our house….Enjoy!

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Looking in the mirror in the car on the way to the ER

“Mom, I have a toothache!”

Both kids  had toothaches less than two weeks apart.   First toothache brought my daughter home early from Dad’s house. (sometimes you just need your Mommy)

Second toothache sends my son screaming he’s dying and needed to go to the Emergency Room to see his Dad! (he’s a man….so in his defense he felt that death was certainly imminent, and the ER was his only solution.)     I reluctantly take him to see his Dad because, to be honest, he was driving me insane.   So, around midnight I call his father and tell him we are headed to the ER, meet me in the ambulance bay and I will wait in the car.   Dad graciously met me outside with our son now dramatically writhing in pain, swoops him up and takes him inside.  I park next to dad’s truck still wearing my pajamas, because as a mom you know what is actually and Emergency situation and what isn’t…..I knew there would be no reason to actually enter the Peyton Place…Oh, I mean ER…This particular night.

I think I fell asleep for a brief moment.  The Door opened and this kid jumps in the car with a giant piece of dental floss tied around his tooth.   Toothache gone!!  Hmmmmm, not sure how a piece of dental floss miraculously healed him but it worked!!    Doctor Daddy’s advice….wiggle it and it will fall out!

Home….and Bed.

Then there was last night.   The famous “ithchy butt” returned.   I thought we had gotten over the “itchy butt’ when he stopped wrestling.

Adam:  “Mom, my butt is itching!”  (I am asleep…Zzzzzz)   “Mom, I am not kidding my butt is really itching!  Do you have any medicine?

Me:  “I don’t have medicine, go put some Vaseline on it.”

Adam:  (Get’s out of bed and goes into the bathroom and in typical male fashion…) “Where is it Mom?”

Me:  “It is sitting next to the sink!”

Adam: (2 seconds later….because he is a man!!!!) “Mom, I don’t see it!”

Me: “IT IS THERE….LOOK FOR IT!!!”  (my voice a little more irritated hence the CAPS!)

Adam:  “Mom….(at this point if he says MOM one more time I’m going to lose my mind!!!!)  I don’t see it!”

Me: (Jumping out of bed preparing my alibi for when he come up missing)…..go to the bathroom, immediately pick up the Vaseline, hand it to him after giving him the “you are just like your father, he could never find anything” speech.     Then I leave the room to give him and his butt some privacy.

Adam:  (Crawls back in bed)  5 minutes later…”Mom, my butt still itches!”

Me:  “Maybe you have worms!”

Adam:  “How could I have worms?  I have never eaten a worm!!”

Me:  “Please Adam, for the love of all that is Holy just go to sleep!!!”

Adam:  “Mom, this is really starting to irritate me!”

Me:  “Must you say MOM every time you talk to me?”

Adam:  “Mom….Oh, I mean Crystal….Is that better MOM?”

Me: (laughing)

Finally sleeeeeeep…….Zzzzzzzzz

(Don’t know what time this happened)

Adam:  “Mom, er um Crystal….My Butt is really really itching!”

Me:  (half awake)  Go take a shower!

Adam:  “I already did!”

Me:  “Go take another one!”

(I think I heard the shower running.)

Asleeeeeep again……Zzzzzzzz

Adam:  “Hey MOM!   My butt doesn’t itch anymore!!”

(Not sure if I responded)

…….and then this happens.

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No more “Itchy Butt”

He Liked It!



A miracle occurred last evening!

My son ate food!  Actual food!  Not chicken or tacos!

Ham, homemade scalloped potatoes, broccoli and cheese and corn on the cob!

REPENT people!  Jesus is coming soon!



This is what he looked like after eating an actual meal!

Content with a full tummy of healthy food!

Home Away From Home



Does beef jerky and Red Bull constitute as a meal?   

Sitting in the carpool lane at my son’s elementary school I “found”  an extra can of liquid energy and half a bag of beef jerky in the car.   I didn’t have breakfast or lunch, so I assumed it was my manna from Heaven. 

I’ve been in my car a lot today and it is such a gorgeous day, I took some time to clean…ahem. Organize my car!  



It is amazing what you can find in a car that basically is my second home. Traveling as much as I do to various places and practices.  While cleaning/organizing the car today, I noticed that I basically have everything I need to live comfortably in my car if need be!  Let’s hope that is never the case, but I am ready for most emergencies!

 

My car:

  1. Two tubes of lipstick. One brown and one red.  
  2. Buxom lip gloss (a must for any decent woman)
  3. 4 pairs of sunglasses for all occasions and to match any outfit. 
  4. At least 5 pairs of shoes and two pairs of boots. Including red heals and Uggs.  
  5. Altoids
  6. Currently reading three books  while waiting for dance practice, basketball practice to be over and carpool. 
  7. A 24 pack of water which I keep for emergencies and basketball games and practice. 
  8. Several sweaters and jackets. 
  9. At least 5 Bibles. 
  10. One journal. 
  11. Wallet
  12. Cup holder full of loose change. 
  13. Vitamins
  14. Crumbs.  Dirt. Unidentifed objects. 
  15. iPods. iPads. Kindle. Nook. 
  16. Pillows. Blankets. 
  17. Backpacks. 
  18. Appointment reminders 
  19. Air fresheners
  20. Pepto Bismol (MAX)
  21. Ex-lax
  22. Casting Crowns CD
  23. iTunes on my phone 
  24. At least 3 pairs of gloves
  25. And my constant reminder.  (my favorite old air freshener)

everything will be okay”

My son loves to take “long drives” late at night because, just like his mommy, he loves to sleep in a car!   (Hence the pillow and blanket). 

It has been my Sanctuary when I didn’t feel like going into an empty house. Sitting in my driveway, Heated seats on, sometimes quietly sitting, sometimes on the phone, sometimes a place to gather my thoughts and even times where I have done most of my crying and praying.    Me and God….well, let’s just say that we have had some interesting conversations sitting in this car!

I’m grateful for a safe SUV during the brutal snowstorms.  I’m thankful for the third row that is used for hauling extra kids. The two TVs that keep the kids company on long road trips. The large trunk that holds all of the groceries and the luggage.   I am thankful and forever grateful for the one that supplied me with a beautiful, dependable and reliable car.  

As I sit here tonight finishing up my blog, there’s a little boy sleeping with his mouth open and arms behind his head and my heart is filled with pure joy!  Another “long drive” complete and God kept us safe one more day!

It’s easy to take things for granted. But tonight, as my tush is warm with the heated seats, iTunes is playing my favorite song  Give Me Jesus, and I stare at the beautiful children God has given me….I pause to thank God for everything he has done. For protection on the road. For 4 wheel drive.  For one more “long drive”.  Most importantly, my life. My precious life and the lives that God has given me to protect and take care of. 

Time to wake up the little guy and give him a piggy back ride to bed!  

What are you thankful for?

Snow Days

When given a choice, I think most moms (and Dads) would rather that school stay in session, even during the most brutal winter storms.

There is a woman making herself famous with her “Wide eyed” videos threatening to kill Anna and Elsa as her kids sing “Let It Go” in the background.   She has a look of pure terror on her face as the kids belt out (off key) every last lyric from the renowned song.   This video became viral as parents can literally relate to this mother’s pain.  The excruciating pain known as “Snow Day”.

I have to admit, I did take the time to watch the video, I even chuckled a bit.   The reality is,  there is no holding back Mother Nature.   People have cracked jokes that she must not have received a Valentine this year or she is PMSing.   These are also the people that I have heard talking that we haven’t had much of a winter this year!   A full week of snow days later, they are screaming UNCLE and waving their white flags of surrender.

I, on the other had, embrace the snow days as if it is a gift.   A day to spend with the people I love more than anything in this entire world.  These are the days we browse through Pinterest to find a new recipe, play Scrabble, eat homemade guacamole and tortilla chips until we are stuffed and watch endless episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. (only on Season 2, Have a long way to go!

Don’t get me wrong, there are times I want to give them up for adoption, change my address and never look back!!  The breakdown passes quickly the first time they hug me and tell how much they love me!!!

Today, we decided to shake things up a bit…..

I gave everyone a topic.

My niece had a “Dingleberry named Harry”

My other niece  had a “Hot Dog Vendor from NYC”

My son had a “Squirrel named Merle from Central Park”.

Since this isn’t really my daughter’s forte, we spent the afternoon editing some pictures together.  She has quite the eye for photography, and that makes me one proud Mommy!

I have never seen my kids so stimulated about something that resembled “school”!   They wrote some amazing rough drafts, and the Dingleberry story made me laugh so hard I nearly fell off of my chair!  I will eventually have to share the stories to you, but I promised them that we could go over them together before we shared them with the world!

What imaginations these guys have!! I don’t nearly give them the recognition they deserve!

Just got the text…NO SCHOOL TOMORROW

Stay warm my friends!

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