Weekly Quotes!!ūüėú

Quotes from this week:

We just saw a huge skunk!  It was Skunkzilla!!    Oh look, the moon!!

 

(Wrestling!)
OUCH!!!  My Penis!!!

Um, you don’t have a penis, you are a girl!!!

Girls have a Vagina!

Oh, OUCH!!    My Furgina!!!!!


(my son picking his scabs!!)

Me: ¬†Son, please don’t go to school and pick that scab on your face!!! ¬†It’s so gross and it will get bloody. ¬† ¬† ¬†No one wants to see blood!!

Adam: ¬† I’ll tell them I was in the war!!

Me:  You were hit by a tree while hunting!!!

Adam:  That takes talent Mom!!

 

Mom, I am not trying to be mean….but your hair smells like Tootsie Rolls.

 

Me:  Son, do I look ok?

Adam:¬† You don’t look THAT ugly Mom!!

 

I am Just tired 

  
I try to keep it together most days.  I’m really good at the smile and maybe no one will see how completely overwhelmed I actually am.   I have been practicing it for three long years now and most of the time can even convince myself. 

Today, like most days, my daughter had a slight meltdown.  I say slight, because I have seen worse, but today was one of those days that hit me….is she ever going to get better?   She’s getting bigger. Taller. More beautiful every day.    She’s sweet and kind.  She loves everyone.   But then she snaps. I don’t know what triggers it, I don’t know how to control it.   I don’t know what to do!!

She is just a kid.  A kid who tries so desperately to fit in. She tries so hard, but when she does something awkward or gets upset, she gets so angry at herself for screwing up that she just goes into a rage that no one, not even herself can control. 

You don’t love me!  No one loves me!!   She yells and screams….no one understands her. I don’t even think she knows what is wrong, as I have asked her time and time again since she is getting older to please just tell me how you feel?  What is happening in your head?    She doesn’t know as she just gets more frustrated. 

Well tonight, in the midst of her small meltdown over our new puppy that she let sail across the hardwood floor, I just couldn’t take it.   I got in the car and took the pup for a drive with me and I found myself calling her father in complete desperation as I hyperventilated the words…I’m completely overwhelmed!  I don’t know what to do anymore.  I am so tired.  

Not expecting any sympathy from my ex husband of course, I had my own small meltdown as he listened intently to my half talking/half panic attack.  Probably assuming that I have finally snapped and expecting me to start blaming him for everything he had ever done to me over the course of 16 years…..I simply said as honestly and truthfully as I could it’s not your fault, I am just really tired.     That was the simple truth.  I am just really tired. 

I drive home.  Knowing that she was already apologetic.  She greeted me with a hug and told me she was sorry. We baked some cookies together, one thing we share is our love for cooking as it is therapy for both of us.   All was well the rest of the evening. She returned back to the beautiful sweet lovely little lady who made some killer pumpkin Chai spiced cookies! 

She then left to go to her Great Aunt’s house with her cousin who recently got her drivers license for their weekly Tuesday night dinner and we all met up at my exchange student’s high school soccer game around 7.  

I found a convenient parking space near the front and watched the game from my car….too tired to join actual civilization for fear I may actually have to have a conversation with someone.    She sat with some of her cousin’s high school friends and enjoyed the soccer game like a big girl.  While I sat in the car and prepared a Bible lesson for class tomorrow.  I may have even allowed myself to take a 15 minute break and enjoy the perfect silence. 

Caty went to grandma’s as she does most nights.  She let me hug her and kiss her repeatedly on the head before she went inside to go to bed.  

I went home with the boys, of course to find a pup who had an accident in the kennel so I took the little cutie and gave him a quick bath in the bathroom sink.   The boys must have picked up on my exhaustion as they both came in the bathroom to offer their assistance.    We oohed and awwwed over the cuteness of a wet puppy and then all took turned holding him in the oversized towel as he shivered.  

I sat on the floor and started folding some towels I had just taken out of the dryer as the pup chewed on my pants.  

Both boys sat in the floor with me and started folding towels with me.   They asked me to teach them how to fold towels. I must admit, I got a little teary as I told them to fold it half then half again,now fold it twice…I am very particular about folding! I come from a long line of insane laundry women!!   Any other time,I would tell them that I would take care of it.  But tonight, I was just really tired.     It ended up being an awesome experience for all of us.   Bonding with my son and my exchange Son.  

As my son was going to bed with the pup wrapped in a fluffy purple blanket I overheard him telling the pup, now listen to me, Mommy is not feeling well and is tired tonight. You are going to sleep with me and give Mommy a break.   

Pup listened as they are both sound asleep in my bed.  

All is well once again in my house.

I’m doing ok with this single Mom thing…I guess we get a little tired sometimes. I just needed a little time to breathe.     

Selfie Stick


I swore I would never get my kids a ridiculous Selfie Stick…..and here I am, the day before school starts, posing while my daughter takes a picture with her new iPhone attached to her pink selfie stick!!

I refuse to do the duck lips!!! (Is that what it’s called?). Haha

Oh yeah…if you are a faithful reader of my blog, you are probably wondering who the handsome kid is in the background. ¬†That’s my German Exchange Student, Karl!!

Haha….To Be Continued!

Snow Days

When given a choice, I think most moms (and Dads) would rather that school stay in session, even during the most brutal winter storms.

There is a woman making herself famous with¬†her “Wide eyed” videos threatening to kill Anna and Elsa as her kids sing “Let It Go” in the background.¬†¬† She has a look of pure terror on her face as the kids belt out (off key) every last lyric from the renowned song.¬†¬† This video became viral as parents can literally relate to this mother’s pain.¬† The excruciating pain known as “Snow Day”.

I have to admit, I did take the time to watch the video, I even chuckled a bit.¬†¬† The reality is,¬† there is no holding back Mother Nature.¬†¬† People have cracked jokes that she must not have received a Valentine this year or she is PMSing.¬†¬† These are also the people that I have heard talking that we haven’t had much of a winter this year!¬†¬† A full week of snow days later, they are screaming UNCLE and waving their white flags of surrender.

I, on the other had, embrace the snow days as if it is a gift.¬†¬† A day to spend with the people I love more than anything in this¬†entire world.¬† These are the days we browse through Pinterest to find a new recipe, play Scrabble, eat homemade guacamole and tortilla chips until we are stuffed and watch endless episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. (only on Season 2, Have a long way to go!

Don’t get me wrong, there are times I want to give them up for adoption, change my address and never look back!!¬† The breakdown passes quickly the first time they¬†hug me and tell how much they love me!!!

Today, we decided to shake things up a bit…..

I gave everyone a topic.

My niece had a¬†“Dingleberry named Harry”

My other niece¬† had a “Hot Dog Vendor from NYC”

My son had a “Squirrel named Merle from Central Park”.

Since¬†this isn’t really my daughter’s forte, we spent the afternoon editing some pictures together.¬† She has quite the eye for photography, and that makes me one proud Mommy!

I have never seen my kids so stimulated about something that resembled “school”!¬†¬† They wrote some amazing rough drafts, and the Dingleberry story made me laugh so hard I nearly fell off of my chair!¬† I will eventually have to share the stories to you, but I promised them that¬†we could go over them together before we shared them with the world!

What imaginations these guys have!! I don’t nearly give them the recognition they deserve!

Just got the text…NO SCHOOL TOMORROW

Stay warm my friends!

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No water…..and Mr. Doody!!!

How can you describe my life?
Hectic. Chaotic. Humorous. Blessed!

Weekend started out with a Saturday morning basketball buzzer beater in which my son’s team lost. What a game!!
I was prepared for the worst as my son had the ball stolen from him in the last three seconds of a tied game, then SWISH!!
Game Over!!
He walked off that court smiling. He and the kid who stole the ball from him had some laughs after the game.
We never mentioned the game again!!

I had a “girls weekend” planned with the Secret Keeper Girl’s Crazy Hair Tour. My sister brought Caty and I tickets for Cat’s birthday present earlier in the month.
It didn’t seem right to leave Adam after playing (and losing) such a game. We quickly decided to ditch the Crazy Hair tour and invite Adam and his friends Robert along. (Basically out of pity, and I don’t want to have fun without my little buddy!)
Off to Virginia.
The drive was amazing. God out did himself this weekend! It is amazing what an ice storm can do to nature! It reminded me of the Disney movie Frozen!
The ice clung to every twig and branch through the Rolling mountains. It looked like diamonds glistening as the sun beamed through the hills.
Caty couldn’t stop saying “mommy look!!!” As she was snapping pictures from the back seat posting them on Instagram and snapchat.
Caty and my step-niece were listening to music and taking selfies while the boys in the back were playing games on their phones.
It was a fast trip complete with shopping, dinner and swimming in the hotel pool.
We don’t have cable at our house, so the boys spent the evening resting from their game and their dip in the pool by watching nickelodeon until they finally fell asleep.
My sis had the girls in a separate room. Apparently, they were forced to watch a Lifetime movie about Whitney Houston. Both girls agreed the next morning that they would have had more fun in my room watching nickelodeon!
We missed church!!
And I “missed” church.
Morning started out with Caty dropping a sprite on the way to my hotel room.
Adam was sitting in the floor next to me as I was using a flat iron to straighten my hair. When all of a sudden we were showered with an entire bottle of exploding Sprite!
I’ve never seen anything like it. It looked like a “mentos” soda rocket!
I kept my cool well. By the look on caty’s face, she was expecting the worst!
After cleaning up myself, Adam, the floors, walls and ceiling of the room we ate at a local
IHOP where the kids had their fare share of sugar!! Chocolate chocolate chip pancakes!!! I asked them to refrain from using syrup for fear of being stuck in a car with them and their sugar highs for the next two hours.
My sis has a Starbucks addiction. Of course that was our next stop.
“Mom can I have something to drink?” Caty asked.
“No sis, we just ate breakfast. You don’t need anything.”
“Pleeeease Mom!!!! I am thirsty!!!”
“I’ll get you a bottle of water!!!” Starting to get a little louder because i knew what was coming next.
“It’s not fair!! Aunt Kerri gets a drink! You are a ******!!” (insert your own imagination here)
This is where the disability comes in!! The one where you can’t rationalize because she has already focused on getting Starbucks!
“Fine Caty…..!!!!!” I just wanted to diffuse the situation quickly before it got worse!!

“Good morning, welcome to Starbucks. Can I take your order?”
“Yes mam, I need an iced caramel macchiato with an extra shot and a Strawberries and cream frapp√©!”
I go to the next window to wait for the drinks. Looked in my rear view mirror at a Mom (I am certain she was a Mom). She looked frazzled. Hair a mess. Driving her minivan. Sweatshirt. She was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and playing with her very tousled hair! She didn’t smile. She had a look of pure stress on her face! I could tell she needed her shot of caffeine. As I looked at her, I could feel her strain. I could relate to her.
When the cashier took my money. I told her I wanted to pay for the ladies drink behind me. Cashier smiled and gladly took the extra $5.
As I was leaving, I told the cashier to tell the woman to have a “wonderful day”! It looked like she needed a good dose of encouragement. And I needed to Pay It Foward. Nothing wrong with doing a good deed for a stranger every now and then.

Ok the way home we became aware of a diesel spill that happened in our town. We were coming home to NO WATER!! we took advantage of the local grocery store as we stocked up on gallons of water and bottled water. I stayed in the car with the boys as my sis and the girls took on the store to grab our supply of water.
After piling in our water (which made us look like a bad episode of Doomsday Preppers) I asked Cat what she did with her Starbucks frapp√©. “I didn’t want it mom.” as she was tearing open her bottle of water!!!!
Yes I said WATER!!!!!
I chuckled. Because that is what you do when you are on the verge of a mental breakdown.

We were about 45 min into the trip when the kids nearly ripped each other’s heads off for a package of beef jerky!!! (My kids reallllly like beef jerky!!)
Beef jerky massacre was diffused by me yelling that I was going to stop the car and throw everyone out!!! Then I’m moving away and not giving anyone a forwarding address.
Rest of the trip was uneventful except for Adam pulling out his tooth!!!
(oh, I’ll be right back…..I need to play tooth fairy before he wakes up!!! Good thing I reminded myself while blogging!!!)
Got home.
Unpacked car.
COLORED MY HAIR!!!!
ok, so did you get that?
I colored my hair forgetting that we had NO WATER!!
The first gallon of water that we stockpiled went to rinsing my hair!

Then came the questions:
Why don’t we have water?
Can I take a shower in your room?
Does the hallway bathroom have water?
Does grandma have water?
What if I need to wash my hands?
Are we going to die?
Can you die because of no water?
What are the dogs going to drink?
I have to pee!!! Can I still owe?
Can we flush the toilet?
Why is diesel in the river?
Is that bad?
Can you drink diesel?
Will that kill you?
When can we take a bath?
Do you smell something?
Adam needs a bath mom!! He had basketball practice!!
Can Adam at least take a bath?

Ohhhhh. This went on for hours!!!!

Caty doesn’t understand “change”!! She gets so stressed out!!!
I answered every question. Numerous times!
Chucking once again!! Only this time ending with the Serenity Prayer after getting the (already expected) phone call that school was cancelled!

…..Lord help me to accept things that I cannot change………..ūüėú

Then this happened…

“Come out come out Mr. Doody…….”
My son sang that song loudly as he was taking a dump in the bathroom adjacent to the family room!!!

Mom, Adam is singing the “Mr. Doody song”!! Is the house going to stink?
How can we flush “Mr. Doody” down?
Do we have water yet?
Why did Adam have to poop?
Where is grandpa?
Grandpa can fix this!!
Can grandpa flush the toilet?
Mom, you need to call Grandpa!!!

SERENITY NOW!!!!
SERENITY NOW!!!!!

Let’s have a dance party!!!
(Um, lord. I did say SERENITY NOW!!!!!!)

Two hours later…..and the Pitch Perfect version of “Like a Virgin” along with a recording of the kids singing “When I was Your Man” I was ready to call it a night!!

We watched a sweet movie about a Christian Youth Camp. Kids calmed down a bit!
Until they all started playing some game on their phones which, apparently, is difficult and stressful. My niece threw her phone. The other one threw her jacket across the room. My Step-niece whined! Caty laughed because she thought the game was fun and easy!!!
Adam’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head!!!!

“Ok guys we have to go to bed!!!!”

Adam and my oldest niece quietly went to bed!! Well, not before she spilled an entire can of soda on the kitchen floor!!! (Second gallon of water used to mop the floor!!!)

The other three girls………
I’m thirsty! Can we drink the water?
Why isn’t there any water coming out of the faucet?
I have to pee!!
Ohhhhh gross!!!!! Adam pooped!!!!
The bathroom stinks!!
How long will the bathroom stink?
DONT USE THIS BATHROOM!!!!!
It stinks!!!!

GO TO BED!!!!!
For the love of all that is Holy!!!!!
Just go to bed!!!!!!!

I can’t go to bed without a TV!!
Can we sleep on the couch?
Do you have blankets?

Yes!!!
Blankets!
TV!
Go to bed!!!

2:30am. Still giggling!

I’m up!
Can’t wait for the water questions to start again!

I’ve already asked God for copious amounts of patience.
I prayed for the mom in the Starbucks line this morning. I think she really needed it.
Hoping she may say a little prayer of her own for the lady from WV that bought her coffee for her!!

Have a blessed day everyone!!
Thank God for your water supply!!!
Looks like we may be out for a few days!!!

I may keep Mr. Doody around to annoy the girls!!!
Hahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!

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If you could do it all over again……

I was redecorating my daughter’s room last week. Complete with a floor lamp that glows with red, pink, green, yellow and orange bulbs. A hot pink blow up chair. Bright yellow walls and Owls as her theme.
We already had the Owls and the wall color but I felt it was time to accessorize.
….and accessorize we did!!
Before the room was complete, she left for an overnight stay with her daddy.
I ended up working in her room until it was dark outside then found myself relaxing in the hot pink chair watching the soft glow of the colorful lamp. I picked up one of her books and started reading it. Put it down when I spotted the pink guitar in the corner of the room. I don’t play guitar. (Neither does my daughter) But I tried.
It turned out badly. I didn’t hit one consecutive note. But I still tried.
While I was sitting there in the silence with the soft colors of the lamp bouncing shadows off of the almost fluorescent yellow walls, I pondered what it would be like to be a kid again. Plunking on the pink guitar sitting in the plastic hot pink chair thinking about what it would be like to start all over again.
It didn’t take long to confirm that I will never be a musician. It took me forever to get my butt out of the chair as it swallows you into a comfortable position that makes you want to grab a blanket and camp out as long as possible.
While sitting there, I also realized that it’s not possible to time travel, so 40 years will soon be an inevitable reality.
I asked myself this question:
If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?
Tons of things came to mind. I held back the tears.
I walked downstairs to a new living room. As I sold the 87″ television and replaced it with one that is less than 40″. The room was bigger now. It seemed less busy.
The reminder of an ignored marriagewas finally out of the house!
In the stillness of the wide open, newly decorated room I opened a new book and read until I fell asleep.
Peace. Less than 12 hours of peace!!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

Saturday morning came quicker than I expected. Kids were knocking on the door at 6:45am because daddy had to be at work by 7. Basketball games started at 8:30am.
One of those days that was planned before I got out of bed obviously!
Basketball game was a nail biter! Adam’s team lost but they gave 100%.
Unexpected surprise:
Adam got invited to join a private travel league! I left it to him if he wanted to join. He graciously accepted! I regretted the decision of him accepting almost immediately.
More running. More practices. More traveling. More basketball.
Although, I am so proud of his hard work and athletic abilities, I sometimes wonder if I can put anymore into a day that is already packed so tight I cant breathe as it is.

Back to Saturday.
Travel team had a game! He was invited 5 hours prior and he’s already playing a game!! Scored 8 points and beat the opposing team (all older boys) by almost 20 points!!

3:30. I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Time to do something for me!
(Or so I thought)
“Let’s go to the movies!!” I asked, almost giddy.
“No!! I don’t want to go.”
After an hour of begging I lost! At this point I wanted to go home And cry.
Sis went home with her Great Aunt and Pop Pop for the night. Adam goes home and glues his eyeballs to YouTube as he watches endless videos of Minecraft!
After an hour of listening to Stampy Longnose and Beijing Canadian, I sat on the couch. Feeling defeated. Tired. Ready for quiet.

Went to the dryer to grab a fresh warm load of laundry to fold on the couch as Adam is still watching Minecraft trash on the tv.
Clothes were warm.
I leaned against them and decided to watch Adam ignore me as he filled his rotting brain with squeaky British accents and people conversing (loudly) with each other while strategizing on how they are going to defeat their opponents!

Zzzzzzzzzzz…………

I woke up at 3am Sunday morning still sleeping on my pile of clean laundry!
Adam sleeping next to me.

Bed or couch?

I found laundry quite comfortable.
Couch won!

Back to the question:
“If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?”
This is exactly where I am supposed to be!
A mom!! And a darn good one at that!!
Looking back never did anyone any good. Memories last forever and I cherish every second (good and bad) spent with the people I love!
Everyone makes mistakes.
Learn from them. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Move on!
Make more memories! They aren’t going to be little forever!
We will look back one day and laugh.
The day mom fell asleep on the laundry!!

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Tell Me The Story Mom….to my daughter on her 13th Birthday!

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Tell me the story about when I was in your tummy.

You love for me to tell you about how you would kick me and I would spank your butt when you stretched in my huge tummy.
The first time you had hiccups and it scared me!
The first time I felt you kick and how I dug a hole in the sand to lay on my tummy at the beach that year.
A few weeks later is when 9-11 happened. I remember never leaving the couch that day as I placed my hands on my tummy and prayed for those people and their families. I also prayed for you and your future as I cried not knowing what the future held for us and our country. It was also the year that Daddy decided to re-enlist in the Army and that scared me! As grandpa and I pinned him that day and I watched him proudly make a promise to his Country, I was So excited to be by his side as a military wife and you his little pink soldier!
You laugh when I tell you about my cookie crisp and orange juice addiction that eventually led to me giving myself insulin shots the remainder of my pregnancy.
I tell you about our friend Cecil who was always there for us. And on the day you were born, Cecil was standing on tables and chairs trying to take the perfect pictures at every angle as if he was as proud as your own daddy!!! He was a great friend and I miss him dearly!
Finally at 2:17pm on a Wednesday afternoon you came into our lives through an emergency C-section. They were all surprised at how tiny you were at 6lbs 7oz. And 18 inches long!! (Considering mommy gained almost 80 lbs with you!!).
The first thing I noticed was your thick red lips and that beautiful cry that sounded exactly like a baby lamb! Your beautiful black hair and tiny fingers! I kissed each finger and counted each toe with daddy by my side counting once again just to make sure!
You had so many visitors. Both Grandmas were there to sneak their first squeeze!! Grandpa was so excited to welcome his 3rd grand daughter to this crazy world! Friends and family were there to make a big fuss also!
Then there was Dr. Hess who was the sweetest kindest man on this earth. He smelled of gin and cigarettes. He came in the hospital room and (as he did with all of the residents new babies) stuck his stinky, germy fingers into your mouth!! It was so gross!!! But it was kind of a tradition!
From your first bath with your pink bow stuck on top of your head with Vaseline to the first time daddy held you in his arms and wouldn’t let go as he sang “You are my Sunshine”. I’ll let you in in a little secret, I didn’t know just how much I adored your daddy until that day!
He slept with you in his chest all night long the first night. I think he gave you a million kisses and you made his eyes glow with excitement!!

So there you go!!!
I’ve told you this story many times and I never ever grow tired of it! It was the second best day of my entire life!!!! Third best day was when your brother was born 3 years later!!
And you know what my first best day ever was!!
Memories!!!!
So here you are all grown up and a teenager!!
You make me proud every day!!! You certainly keep me on my toes and have the energy of three kids!!!
I’m proud to be your mom and your teacher.
I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you little girl!
Happy 13th Birthday Sunshine!!!