I LOVE YOU

It has been quite a while since I’ve written.  Not because my life has been mundane and nothing to write about, but because over the course of a year my life has completely changed and I don’t even know where to begin.

Life has a way of throwing some pretty hefty curveballs, some good, some great, some not so good and some down right devastating.   But when you mix them all together it seems to balance out to a beautiful life and although I may not understand everything, I do believe God has truly blessed me.

I remember thinking in January that this is going to be my year.  I could feel it.  I could sense something amazing was going to happen.   And it did.  I fell in love again.  Head over heals completely just stupid in love.  It was something I never thought I was capable of doing again as the crippling fear of divorce and not being loved consumed me for years.  Then I went through the stage of not being so loveable myself.  I craved being alone.  Just me in my pajamas eating my ice cream and watching Lifetime Movies on the couch was my life for many months, and I was ok with that.

I said it first…I said I love you.   I got, “Oh, I didn’t know that.”   His answer was no surprise to me, he is and forever will be the only person I know that I could be in love with and want to kill simultaneously.   Do I regret saying it, no, because I do love him.  I will be forever grateful to him because he taught me that it is ok to love, even if it is not reciprocated, even if it makes my heart ache again.  He made me feel alive again.  He made me laugh, he made me open up, we talked for hours and hours non stop, other nights he would just hold me and we would sit in silence both knowing at that moment nothing else mattered.

When we decided to end it and remain the best of friends, I didn’t feel the urge to fall back into Lifetime Movies and copious amounts of chocolate ice cream.   I wanted, more than ever, to feel LOVED, and to love someone.

Plot Twist!  I fell in love twice!

To Be Continued…..

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