“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Being a Mom is not easy.
My kids both had me in tears this morning as I was trying to get them ready for school. My daughter wanted to use a different back pack (on the last three days of school!!!). The straps had been tied in a knot and I was unable to get the knots untied. Crisis!!! Absolute-Teenage-Breakdown!!
My son, decided he would throw his own fit because his Cargo-shorts were dirty and I was going to make him wear a pair of shorts that didn’t have 7,000 pockets! Apparently two pockets on a pair of shorts is not sufficient. Hence, making me the worst mother in all of the entire world!
I did it….I just walked right out of the house. I finally had enough. I looked at them and proclaimed, “get ready by yourself!” and drove away.
*Before you think I really am the worst mother in all of the world, let me say that we go to my parents house every morning for breakfast. Something that has been part of my kids routine since they were in Kindergarten* So, as I walked out the door, Grandma was making them a healthy breakfast and looking at me with her own bit of desperation as to Why was she being punished?
I got in my car and did what any terrible mother would do. I drove around the block a few times to cool off and came back, made sure they were ready and drove them to school.
My son was very well aware that I was not happy since just the day before he also proclaimed me The worst Mom ever when I didn’t get him ice cream after I got off work, picked home up from school, took him to get his hair cut, changed two flat tires on my lawn mower and mowed the grass….all while he was sitting in the garage (in the shade) playing on his IPhone 6 whining that I didn’t have any food!! Grandpa, who was helping me with the mower, took him to their house, where I am sure he was served a bowl of cereal in front of the TV on the recliner!
Did he feel bad? Sure he did. Both last night and this morning, he gave me a kiss and told me that he was sorry. Both times, I graciously accepted his apology, and I always welcome a kiss from the most handsome (entitled, selfish Brat….OMG, I created a monster) fella in the world.
The kids, the back pack, the wrong shorts…You are the worst mother in all the world!!! I cried. I cried ugly tears this morning! I couldn’t stop crying. The never ending cycle of never being good enough. Not for my kids, not for my (ex) husband, not for my family, not even for myself. I strive to be the best. I exhaust myself so I can be the cool mom, the cool Aunt, the friend to everyone….I do it all because I have this overwhelming sense of needing to show people how much I love them. To the point of forgetting to love myself, or feeling guilty if I plan a night out to go out to dinner with a friend, or (Heaven forbid) even a date. As I took my long drive this morning to talk with God, my question to Him was “Why?” One simple sentence, This isn’t how I imagined my life. Once again, like most days, He didn’t answer. It’s ok, I know He’s pretty busy. Instead, I counted some blessings and went on with my morning.
My life. Unpredictable. Chaotic. Full of Love. Full of family and friends (even some random adopted strangers). Lots of laughter and even some tears.
And yes…..Even being voted The worst Mother in all of the world!
There is a song that we used to sing in Sunday School….
He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be…..
He’s still working on me.