I was redecorating my daughter’s room last week. Complete with a floor lamp that glows with red, pink, green, yellow and orange bulbs. A hot pink blow up chair. Bright yellow walls and Owls as her theme.
We already had the Owls and the wall color but I felt it was time to accessorize.
….and accessorize we did!!
Before the room was complete, she left for an overnight stay with her daddy.
I ended up working in her room until it was dark outside then found myself relaxing in the hot pink chair watching the soft glow of the colorful lamp. I picked up one of her books and started reading it. Put it down when I spotted the pink guitar in the corner of the room. I don’t play guitar. (Neither does my daughter) But I tried.
It turned out badly. I didn’t hit one consecutive note. But I still tried.
While I was sitting there in the silence with the soft colors of the lamp bouncing shadows off of the almost fluorescent yellow walls, I pondered what it would be like to be a kid again. Plunking on the pink guitar sitting in the plastic hot pink chair thinking about what it would be like to start all over again.
It didn’t take long to confirm that I will never be a musician. It took me forever to get my butt out of the chair as it swallows you into a comfortable position that makes you want to grab a blanket and camp out as long as possible.
While sitting there, I also realized that it’s not possible to time travel, so 40 years will soon be an inevitable reality.
I asked myself this question:
If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?
Tons of things came to mind. I held back the tears.
I walked downstairs to a new living room. As I sold the 87″ television and replaced it with one that is less than 40″. The room was bigger now. It seemed less busy.
The reminder of an ignored marriagewas finally out of the house!
In the stillness of the wide open, newly decorated room I opened a new book and read until I fell asleep.
Peace. Less than 12 hours of peace!!
Saturday morning came quicker than I expected. Kids were knocking on the door at 6:45am because daddy had to be at work by 7. Basketball games started at 8:30am.
One of those days that was planned before I got out of bed obviously!
Basketball game was a nail biter! Adam’s team lost but they gave 100%.
Adam got invited to join a private travel league! I left it to him if he wanted to join. He graciously accepted! I regretted the decision of him accepting almost immediately.
More running. More practices. More traveling. More basketball.
Although, I am so proud of his hard work and athletic abilities, I sometimes wonder if I can put anymore into a day that is already packed so tight I cant breathe as it is.
Back to Saturday.
Travel team had a game! He was invited 5 hours prior and he’s already playing a game!! Scored 8 points and beat the opposing team (all older boys) by almost 20 points!!
3:30. I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Time to do something for me!
(Or so I thought)
“Let’s go to the movies!!” I asked, almost giddy.
“No!! I don’t want to go.”
After an hour of begging I lost! At this point I wanted to go home And cry.
Sis went home with her Great Aunt and Pop Pop for the night. Adam goes home and glues his eyeballs to YouTube as he watches endless videos of Minecraft!
After an hour of listening to Stampy Longnose and Beijing Canadian, I sat on the couch. Feeling defeated. Tired. Ready for quiet.
Went to the dryer to grab a fresh warm load of laundry to fold on the couch as Adam is still watching Minecraft trash on the tv.
Clothes were warm.
I leaned against them and decided to watch Adam ignore me as he filled his rotting brain with squeaky British accents and people conversing (loudly) with each other while strategizing on how they are going to defeat their opponents!
I woke up at 3am Sunday morning still sleeping on my pile of clean laundry!
Adam sleeping next to me.
Bed or couch?
I found laundry quite comfortable.
Back to the question:
“If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?”
This is exactly where I am supposed to be!
A mom!! And a darn good one at that!!
Looking back never did anyone any good. Memories last forever and I cherish every second (good and bad) spent with the people I love!
Everyone makes mistakes.
Learn from them. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Move on!
Make more memories! They aren’t going to be little forever!
We will look back one day and laugh.
The day mom fell asleep on the laundry!!