Ghosts of Christmas Past

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in this house!!!
The trees are up, villages are immaculately decorations as they give you the illusion of a perfect little town.  Mistletoe is hung and I steal a kiss every time the kids go near it. I am the official Mistletoe police, I catch them within 3 feet of it and I  drag them underneath it just to give me an excuse to smother them in kisses.
The Nativity scenes are up, and after a scary search for the missing Baby Jesus, He was found safe and sound hanging out with Frosty in another container.  Can’t say that much for one of the wise men, he is now missing a leg.  I blame it on the fact that I had a 9yr old boy and 13 yr old boy dragging my decorations out of the garage for me.  None the less, I had help. I was truly grateful they took a Saturday morning and voluntarily dragged out the massive amounts of Christmas decorations for me.
It’s official, I say this every year.
It’s more like a Christmas museum.  We have the “memory tree” that proudly exhibits all of the hand made ornaments from the kids over the years, the Baby’s First Christmas,and the family ornaments that still proudly proclaims that, not too long ago, this house had 4 members instead of the 3 that reside here on this Holiday season.  


Years past, I hung up every ornament and I cried, then I  cried some more, eventually  I just gave up and finally hurled my sobbing body under the tree and curled into the fetal position clutching the one ornament that crushed my very soul, “Our First Christmas Together”. 
This year, we had the house rocking with Christmas music.  We laughed, we tickled, we sang really loud until our throats were sore, and we hung those ornaments on that tree as a family.  A new family.  Not that pathetic broken family from the previous two years.   We got to the bottom of the storage container, and there it was….the gold ornament that left me having my Christmas mental breakdown.  I hid it.  Not wanting the kids to have to see the memory ornament that made Mommy wail every year.  We finished the tree and it was more beautiful than I have ever seen it before.  It still had our skiing reindeer that held the names of all 4 family members and the snowflakes that had only 3 names….before Brother came along.  Those are precious to all of us as it serves as a reminder that though we may not be together, we will always be a family. No matter what.  Kids deserve to see that.  They deserve to see that love still exsists, even though one decided to leave.   It doesn’t mean we aren’t still a family. 
After the tree was decorated, we sat on the couch and stared at the tree.  Kids had questions. I answered as well as I knew how.  We laughed. We talked about christmases past.  Kids remembered memories that I didn’t even remember.  It was at nice night.
Just the 3 of us.
After they went to bed, I pulled out the dreaded gold-plated ornament. Decided this year to save the kids from seeing me fall apart.
Strangest thing happened, I didn’t even shed one tear.  There was nothing left. 
Only memories. Some good.  Some not so good.
And then this happpened………..


(Of that chapter in my life anyway….now the real fun begins!)

9 thoughts on “Ghosts of Christmas Past

  1. Don’t you hate it when something from the past suddenly breaks for burns up over a gas burning on the stove? πŸ˜‰ Like you, Crystal, I am breaking (no pun intended) with the past and enjoying the new journey that God has provided. 12/22 will mark one year since I found out that my X filed for a divorce. Not sure how I am going to fair. Thanks for sharing your story. No doubt it will help me through this Christmas. Patrick


  2. Christina says:

    Third Christmas with just the four of us and isn’t it amazing that the healing finally came? Now instead of thinking about what I am missing and what I lost when he left, I find myself thinking of what HE is missing and what He lost when he left. Have a Merry Christmas!


    • It is true that time heals (not all) wounds. But it gets better every day.
      I do agree with you 100%…I am sad that he is missing so much. We pray for him every day.
      The kids and I are making new memories, but we still talk about “remember when daddy…….” a lot.


  3. This was wonderful and your tree looks lovely!

    I felt more “into” Christmas last year – the first one without my Former Spouse – than I do this one. I can’t seem to figure out why.

    Letting go is so powerful. But remembering what WAS is also important because it mattered. I’m glad you’re doing that. πŸ™‚


  4. Wow! A wonderful Christmas story that many of us for many reasons really identify with. Thanks for following me and, after reading this great post, I return the favor. Happy Holidays:)


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