SURVIVE: To continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
It is in the mornings that I find clarity. I wake up around 5am and let my mind wander. I have no agenda when I open my eyes, other than I like to prepare myself for the tasks ahead of me as I begin a new day.
In the early hours this morning as I was praying, I told God (just like we were sitting across from the table sharing a cup of coffee and good conversation) that I was tired of praying the same things over and over again. I even told Him that I was doubting His entire existence. A late night phone conversation prompted me to have this conversation with God, and I was actually kind of ticked off at Him this morning. A good friend of mine sent me a text message yesterday that said ” I have lost faith in everything I have ever believed in, I have nothing and no one to live for.” My response, “You’ll always have me!” After that, the conversation became nothing but a free for all….complain complain complain. Both of us griped and moaned about how life just doesn’t seem to be fair.
You’ll always have me….Good grief!! Who would want me as their friend?
This morning as I was praying (or complaining) I found myself telling God, “I am so tired of surviving, I want to Live! Ok God, so what are you going to do about it?” Then this song came on the radio.
If I can just survive football season. If I can just survive Homework. If I can just survive my new job. If I can just survive until the weekend. If I can just survive until Sunday morning church service, If I can just survive one more day……..Since when did life become Survival?
Daily asking God to help me SURVIVE just one more day…..In America. In My 4 bedroom home complete with running water and AC. Where there is no Ebola, Cholera, Chickungunya, or Malaria. I was free to Complain to God this morning about all of the petty things that ruffled my feathers while some people were fleeing into the mountains, starving, and are even being killed for their religious freedoms.
Dear God, just help me survive……
We’ve all had wounds, disappointments and prayers unanswered. We all want to be known, but many of us are afraid to be seen. We are so easy to judge and complain when our lives seem to be spiraling out of control, when life gets overwhelming as their just isn’t enough hours in the day to accomplish the long list of tasks that need to be done.
I learned today that it is not Surviving….It is living!! And my life is Beautiful!!!!
until next time…..Are you going to just survive or are you going to live? (choice is ours to make!!)