I woke up at 3:47 am with an uneasy thought going through my mind. There are many things I could blame it on, maybe it is the movie my friend and I watched yesterday which was wildly inappropriate for a person in my current situation to watch. Or it easily could be the 8 hours of non stop laughing and talking I always manage to do when I get around my favorite people. Actually, I am going to blame it on the salad and pasta I devoured at Olive Garden, or maybe the veal sweetbreads (calf pancreas), trout almondine, another salad, and 7 layer chocolate cake I ate late last night with another sweet friend.
Regardless of how my stomach feels, which at this point I am not sure if it is food poisoning, over indulging, or nerves, I have this feeling something is about to rock my world, and I find myself still up at 5am preparing for an attack on my very soul…..or it really could be indigestion!!
This morning as I lay in this empty bed, I began to question my significance in this world. Nobody likes to think about their own mortality, but as I lie here this morning the thoughts racing through my mind consisted of my own death. What kind of legacy would l leave my children? These thoughts prompted me to thank God for my health, because we all know that good health is a privilege. All of the ordinary tasks that I take for granted: driving kids to school, practices, games, recitals, movies…….grocery shopping, taking them to church. Those all seem like daily tasks that most people just muddle through day in and day out, but somehow this morning I looked at it as the most incredible blessing that has been denied by many due to health, unforeseen circumstances, and even untimely deaths.
You do not know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
All week long the thoughts of writing my kids letters have been going through my mind. Not so much a little letter proclaiming my unconditional love to them, but more like a future guideline for them just in case I am not around one day. This is something that I want to do and although it is a tad difficult to talk about an untimely death, I am seriously considering a separate blog for them personally. This is the beginning of my written legacy to them as I jot down just a few things that have crossed my mind, there will be many more “motherly advice” to add on in the pending days to come.
To my sweet beautiful children:
- Plain and simple…..God first!
- Be grateful. Every day make a list of things you are grateful for (just for that day), you will be surprised that the good will always out weigh the bad.
- Be sure your sins will find you out. If you have to hide to do something, chances are you shouldn’t be doing it. Remember, God sees everything.
- You will make mistakes, but don’t let them define you. Learn from them and move on.
- Forgive, forgive and then forgive some more. Remember, not everyone will actually ask you for forgiveness. Forgive them anyway!!!
- You are better than no one and no one is better than you. Don’t you dare think that you are better than anyone!!! (I will haunt you forever if you get some “holier than thou” attitude.)
- Take care of each other. No matter how much you think you dislike each other now, grow up and be each other’s best friends. call each other everyday, visit each other as often as you can. I never regretted a second spent with my family.
- There is good in every situation. Remember, it’s not a bad life….it’s just a bad day. (and you will have bad days, so be prepared)
- Cry….it’s ok to cry and when you do, let it all out. I mean cry till your head hurts and your eyes are swollen. I spent most of my life, especially in my 20’s and 30’s terrified for someone to see me fall apart. I avoided weddings, funerals and sad movies simply because I didn’t want anyone to see me have any kind of emotional breakdown. These past two years have taught me one thing……and that is Let is out! Don’t hold in your emotions. The Bible says in Psalms “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all the tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” I want you to remember that verse every time a tear trickles down your face.
- Don’t cry forever…I know I know, I just said to cry. You can figure this one out on your own.
- Tell the truth. You tell a lie, then you have to cover up that lie with another lie, and that lie with another lie…..then before you know it you have convinced yourself it was truth all along when all you have done is create a web of lies!!
- There is a little button on your phone, it is red usually and it says “end”…..Don’t be afraid to press that button.
- There is also a green button on the phone, it says “call”….Don’t be afraid to use that button either.
- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Got it?
- You can’t change people….so don’t try!! Don’t even go there.
- Learn to love to read. I know that right now reading is boring and you are not interested at all in picking up a book, but books can take you places you have never been or maybe places you will never get to go. There is one book I want you to read everyday and that is the Bible….don’t be afraid to write in it, highlight your favorite verses and take notes. Study it, memorize it, quote it….Use it as a guideline for your life, a weapon when you are facing the devil head on, and gratitude when you are praising God.
Ok, so this is just the beginning. I can already think of at least 294 things I can write about but Momma needs to get ready to take you to church. You will be coming home from Daddy’s house soon and I can’t wait to give you a big hug and kiss. Today you will be debuting your hip hop skills and beautiful whimsical moves as you make me proud on stage at your recital.
You make me proud everyday and I am eternally grateful to be called your Mommy…..
Until next time….I love you.
(so this blog is kinda meant for my kids, but I want to encourage each and everyone of you to make your own list for your kids or grandkids……make it your written legacy. This is a priceless gift!!)
Until next time my friends, start your list.