This morning was just ugly…It started out with kids waking me up before 7am. Dogs leaving me a gift in the kennel. My daughter and I butting heads over everything. and my son loudly claiming I was the worst Mom ever.
I spent the better part of the morning fighting with my very headstrong pre-teen. She is in the stage where she wants nothing to do with me. She wont go anywhere, do anything I ask her to do, refuses to listen and….how shall I say it……She is a pain in my butt!!!
I want so badly to have a Mother/Daughter relationship with her, but we are struggling. Cat isn’t your average pre-teen. She has Global Developmental Disorder, which actually means she is delayed on almost all aspects of life. She is absolutely stunning, I mean truly one of the most beautiful people on earth inside and out…but we just don’t seem to click, which saddens me.
She adores Grandma and especially Papaw. No one messes with Cat when Papaw’s around. My dad has turned into the Great Protector of that little stinker and he would give his life for her in a second.
Cat and I don’t have the normal Mother/daughter relationship because she spends almost every night with her Grandparents. Maybe I am to blame by letting her stay all the time, but when she is there, she is happy. She feels comfortable. There are some levels of comfort I can’t provide for her right now…she tells me all the time she is lonely at home, and likes a man in the house, which is why she has attached herself to Papaw. As I pull out of the driveway and watch her standing at the glass doors waving at me, I know she loves me and that makes me smile.
When I was Cat’s age I was the same way with my Grandma, I hated being home. I miss my Grandmother more than anything in this world and would give anything to have one more day with her. I don’t regret a second I spent with my Grandparents, so I can relate to Cat, I just wish she wanted to be with me too.
Adam & I wake up every weekday morning at 6:30am put on school clothes and head to Grandma and Papaw’s house to have breakfast and I will get Cat ready for school, which includes fussing because she is not hungry, countless clothes changing, whining because I brush her hair too hard, and usually gets into a fight with me and her brother which ends up in at least one of us crying.
This morning was like any other day these days….Adam & I walked into Grandma’s house. Cat was waiting at the door ready to give me her list of everything she “wasn’t” going to do today. Which included NOT going to Roanoke to Chuck E Cheese, NOT going to the movies, NOT going to eat breakfast, NOT going to listen to me…….NO NO NO NO NO!!!! That is all I hear.
After an hour of begging her to go to Chuck E Cheese with me, I finally gave in and with tears streaming down my face, Adam and I took off on our two hour journey by ourselves to meet friends for a birthday party. We sang every song on the radio as loud as we could, giggled, and I even broke down and cried….(I sometimes feel as though I am not living out my full potential in the “mom” department.)
Adam is my Protector….he hates to see me sad. I tried to hide the tears by turning up the radio so he couldn’t hear me sniffing and wore my sunglasses to hide the tears welling up in my eyes but he’s a smart kid. I saw him looking over at me, and I quietly told him I was ok Mommy just was having one of those moments. He reached over and grabbed my hand and said “I love you mom, and thank you for being such a good mom to me. Do you know what I think we need? Red Bull!!!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. He knows the way to his mom’s heart…a little sweet talk and Red Bull gets me every time.
I decided not to waste another second of my day being upset. After all, Cat was happy because she was with Grandma and Papaw. Adam was thrilled because he was going to spend the day with his best friends at Chuck E Cheese.
My sis called me on the way out of town and invited us to a Magic show tomorrow, and I called Cat to see if she would go. Her response, “Is Aunt Heather going? If she is going I will go!” hah…not exactly the response I wanted, but maybe just maybe she will let me sit on the same row with her. I’ll take that as some Mother/Daughter bonding.
Adam totally dissed me at Chuck E Cheese and went home with his buddies to have a sleepover….I found myself alone two hours from home. Now most mom’s would jump at the chance of spending an entire day shopping by themselves, but I found it eerily uncomfortable, Quiet, Lonely and down right awful. I did manage to sneak in a movie and shopping which I did enjoy, but the ride home was deafening silent. I missed my kids so much. I wondered if they even thought of me. I was alone with only my thoughts.
I spent the ride home soul searching, praying and spending some much needed time with God when this song came on the radio, “You’re gonna miss this”. I laughed and cried at the same time. I was thinking about how much I missed them tonight, then realized there will be a time they won’t need good ‘ol mom. Well, the flood gates opened and I had to pull over to sob uncontrollably for 5 minutes. If you guys only knew how much time I spent alone crying over the most ridiculous things, you would think I was certifiably crazy.
Enjoy these days guys. Take the good with the bad and soak it all in. Let them enjoy Grandma and Papaw because they aren’t going to be around forever. Sing really loud in the car. Take long drives. Hold hands. Tell stories. Listen to them. Don’t take a second for granted, because not one of us is promised tomorrow.
….You’re gonna miss this. Memories will last forever, so make some good ones.