I’m so tired tonight. Physically drained, emotionally drained, and even spiritually drained. I actually said it out loud tonight…”where is God, why does he allow these terrible things to happen. especially to innocent children? I see God Nowhere in my life!!!”
It didn’t take me long to retract all of those questions because I know that God does not allow bad things to happen to people. I see Him everyday in my life, after all, I am still breathing so I consider that a bonus.
I thought tonight about being a kid. I remember doing something wrong and Mom having to spank me. She would grab my arm so I couldn’t get away and we would do this awkward dance that led us in circles while she usually spanked me with a wooden spoon and sometimes with the dreaded rubber belt. Then I always knew what was going to come next…”stop crying or I will give you something to cry about!” I never understood that bizarre statement, since she just spanked me yet I usually stopped crying soon after her insane threat for fear that I will get the wooden spoon on my tush again.
My mom usually ended the emotional breakdown with a hug (eventually) and the quote that still rings in my ears today. “I did that because I love you. One day you will understand just how much.”
Even during my awkward dance going in circles while mom was spanking me, I always knew she loved me and she did it for my own good. I never felt abused or unloved by my mom at any time in my life.
Tonight I feel as though I got spiritually spanked…with the rubber belt!! My harsh questions that I screamed out loud that the neighbors probably heard me were answered immediately.
This morning as I wrote on my blog about “a little while”, I knew as soon as I hit publish that the devil would have some major plans for me today….hahaha. Fooled again.
After my spiritual spanking tonight, God spoke to me loud and clear just as my mom used to. “I did that because I love you. One day you will understand just how much.”
In Psalms 56:1 it says You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You keep track of all of my sorrows. You have recorded each one of them in your book.
As I sit here tonight clutching a stained white t-shirt that was covered in tears yesterday, breathing in the sweet intoxicating smell that still lingers in it, I can’t force myself to wash it or give it back to who it belongs to. The verse in Psalms kept tugging at my heart all day…You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
I think we all need a good spiritual spanking every now and then.
I’m tired of doing that awkward circle dance all the time as I repeatedly get beat down…I think it’s time to behave and let God take care of my life from now on.
He died for all of us because He loved us…One day we will understand just how much.